Struggles that Come with the Recollection of Memories

            For a long time, I’ve made it a point to forget huge chunks of my childhood. This class, however, has forced me to recall more than I thought I could. We had an assignment not too long ago that asked us to make a list of our “firsts” which I thought would be hard. To my surprise, I had a nice list going when the timer buzzed. Actively seeing a memory play out in my head after pushing it away for so long was a bit of a shock to the system. 

            A few of my firsts were my first sleepover, my first surgery, and my first time feeling loved. Remembering those moments that seemed so minuscule at the time felt explosive. It was as if all my childhood came rushing back all at once. Now that I have these memories readily available to me, I thought that writing my creative nonfiction assignments would be easier. I was wrong. I can call on these memories easily but putting them on paper is hard.

            The first creative nonfiction assignment was easy for me to write because I had been thinking about that specific memory for a few weeks. However, the next assignment threw me. I did not have a single idea of what to write until the night before it was due (even after the extension). I settled on telling the story of how I became obsessed with becoming a marine biologist because that story came up in a conversation with my family after turning in the “firsts” assignment. While the topics of my creative nonfiction pieces have been both difficult to fathom as well as lighthearted, I worry about future assignments. I do not want my work to be emotionally draining for one to read, but I do not want it to lack truth either. Finding the line between the two feels as if it is becoming increasingly difficult in all aspects of writing this semester.

            As we read The Library Book by Susan Orlean this week, I realized that a story from my point of view does not have to be all about emotion to have a capacity for truth. The novel focuses on the history of the L.A. Central Library that burned in April 1986. I found the story compelling as it was historically focused but kept the author’s narrative in the mix. There was a balance between Orlean’s telling of her research as well as her own connection that she felt to the information she had found. I feel that if I can write in a similar fashion, I can achieve the balance that I have been trying to create as well.

            I am determined to get some of my memories down on paper because the more that I think about them, the more I realize how many moments have shaped me into who I am today. Instead of floating through life, I can look back and see how each individual moment that I recall holds more weight in my life than I could have ever imagined.